One place my divorce has NOT allowed me to go was to the Land of Unreality! My divorce forced me to live in Reality 24/7 for the first time in my life! I have now met dozens upon dozens of women who like me, become “Suddenly Single” after 20 something years of marriage and have to face life on completely different and in many cases, unfair terms! It’s a horrible trend targeting Baby Boomer women.
For me, life became a journey of reinventing myself…how to get the respect of your 16 year old when they don’t come home at curfew or escort your daughter out to the middle of the basket ball court at half time for Senior Night and you are the only parent attending, how to zip up your dress when the zipper starts at your lower back, what it feels like to no longer have your king size bed 2/3 full, to have a lover when you need to be held, cuddled and more, but most of all, to have a real life live-in friend to sit out on the deck to watch sunsets with and a soul mate who knows your deepest secrets.
I guess I had taken for granted all the roles a husband played in my life. However, in 2006, Life #1 ended just like that. Life #2 became not about our family unit of 5 but about how to eat meals alone, how to pay the bills, how to get credit cards in my name, how use the riding mower, how to look for a full time job when you have been out of the full time job market since your 21 year old was born!
Even with a decent alimony, I don’t understand how you cannot live in Reality! Alimony ends! Child support ends! Yet, I know plenty of women who do…who are! Unreality is ONLY more fun in the beginning so I am here to unequivocally endorse Reality. The key to Reality is to believe in you…to believe there is a reason this all happened and to believe you are still deserving of good things in life…better things in life.
A friend emailed me a poem…a charge to women who have had the rug of life pulled from under their feet. It’s simply called “A Woman Should Have”. It made my thoughts about treating myself to a new swimsuit in the photo above, a No-Brainer! I will share the poem next post!